Tears of Regret
by Take
Summary: shounen ai; If you love him, let him go... C&C's welcomed


1 *Standard disclaimers. Song by X-Japan, I don't own anything.*  
  
**Yaoi. There's a sidestory to this from Kurama's POV titled 'Damn You'. My original character Takemi makes a brief appearance.**  
  
2  
  
3 Tears of Regret: Unfinished  
  
Take (March 1999)  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Oh! I'm looking at you  
  
Can't control myself  
  
Nothing but pain for me  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hiei regarded the youko before him soberly, unable to mask the pain in his eyes. His decision was killing him, but that couldn't be helped; if his actions would spare Kurama any future heartbreak, anything he suffered now would be worth it.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Wipe your tears from your eyes  
  
Just leave and forget me  
  
No need to be hurt anymore  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama stood stiffly silent, his features pale and set in stone; only his eyes gave any indication of what he felt. Hiei met his desolate stare as best he could; it would have been easier, he reflected, if the redhead had cried or raged. Instead, after the first tear had slipped down his cheek, Kurama had withdrawn behind his walls – something Hiei easily recognized and understood.  
  
It really was better this way, the fire demon rationalized. If Kurama felt like he was the wronged party, his anger and hurt would give the youko the strength to be able to walk away from him without a qualm. "I don't love you anymore."  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Go away from me now  
  
I don't know What is love?  
  
No need to be hurt anymore  
  
~~~~~~  
  
"I don't love you anymore…maybe I never did. I don't really know what love is supposed to feel like, after all." Why is he still standing there? Why doesn't he leave? The Koorime was sure that his resolve would break any second; he wanted nothing more than to take Kurama into his arms and banish the emptiness in his eyes.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
You said, "I miss you so much"  
  
"Every night thinking of you  
  
and facing loneliness"  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama never complained about Hiei's absences, accepting them as part of their unusual relationship. Still, Hiei could read the kitsune better than others, and knew that Kurama was always glad when he returned; the ache of separation was temporarily assuaged.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
But when you feel sadness  
  
Never can I stay with you  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Which was why Hiei had resolved to let Kurama go. He loved and respected the fox too much to keep him on an emotional roller coaster. In his eyes, he wasn't holding up his end of their relationship.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I'm not the one you need  
  
Close your eyes and forget me  
  
There's nothing I can do anymore  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hiei flinched as he recalled the scene; he'd thought long and hard about his decision. He wasn't what Kurama needed, and the kitsune would forget him; Kurama would find someone else, someone who would be there for him in times of need. The thought comforted as it wounded – Hiei couldn't bear the thought of his fox in the arms of another, but if that was what it took to make Kurama happy, so be it. Hiei would let him go, even as it killed him.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I lost my way  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hiei knelt in the branches of the tree outside Kurama's window, carefully masking his youki. Despite his seemingly callous dismissal of the youko a week ago, the fire demon had returned each night to keep a protective eye on the youko. So far, Kurama had done nothing out of the ordinary, going to school and returning home to help his mother, retiring to his room to study after dinner. To all looks and appearances, a typical student.  
  
Tonight however, something was different. As the other members of his family went to bed, Kurama remained awake, his demeanor that of someone who was biding his time. Hiei resolved to watch the youko closely; to hell with objectivity.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I've been walking in the night of tears  
  
There I found someone was holding you  
  
As the night was falling down  
  
With my love also vanished my vision of you  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama waited another hour after the last light in the house went out, then quietly slipped out the window; Hiei had surmised that it would be safer to follow the youko from a distance, just out of the redhead's senses. He discreetly trailed the slender form to a branch in the park, a lamp illuminating the immediate area around it.  
  
Kurama slumped on the bench, his posture one of exhaustion. After a few minutes, he checked his watch and stood expectantly.  
  
A sudden breeze stirred tendrils of scarlet hair as a Gate opened in front of the waiting youko and a slender figure stepped out, brown hair whipping around the figure's face. Hiei crept closer, intent on seeing the meeting.  
  
The figure - a girl, Hiei saw - walked into the circle of light, her features as composed as Kurama's. For a moment, the two stared at each other. Then, Kurama's features crumbled, and he stumbled into the girl's embrace, clutching at her like a lifeline. She sat them down on the bench, wrapping her arms around the kitsune's shoulders. She lay her cheek on the flaming head, her expression sorrowful. Something died in Hiei as he watched her gently kiss the top of Kurama's head, and he turned away into the night, never hearing the girl's sadly murmured words.  
  
"Kawaisou ne, aniki. Too scared to show him how much you care…too proud to cry…"  
  
~~~~~~  
  
My heart is cold now  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hiei sat at the base of a tree, hidden in the stillness of the Makai night. He had gotten his wish; Kurama had someone new, someone who would be there for him - something he hadn't been able to do.  
  
The fire demon shivered, pulling his cloak tighter around himself. He felt so cold…there was a lump of ice squeezing the breath out of his lungs.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
You said, "I need you always."  
  
"Every day thinking of you  
  
and living loneliness."  
  
~~~~~~  
  
He'd released Kurama, and the youko had found someone else. It was what he had wanted, ne? Still, it hurt that he'd been replaced so quickly…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Can't find my way  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Unable to stand the path his thoughts were taking, Hiei disappeared into the depths of the Makai forest, a lost soul who had found heaven, and rejected it.  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
